There is this pain that runs so narrow and deep
That I understand how the canyons are etched out by a trickle…
Because that trickle
Has etched out this canyon
And there is this sorrow
That is not this season to be walked through
But a thing that lives at the core of me.
I love you.
Though I never had a chance.
I love you though I had a chance.
I have so little of you.
How could I ever want to exorcise this…
I have no school pictures
No first words
No first steps.
No finger paintings.
We did not have our years together.
We did not have even those ten months
That it’s easy to think we’re promised.
We had only this knowledge that you were coming to be.
And we had the changes in your mothers body.
And we had these hopes and these prayers and then
I feel like I should tell you
That I think of you all the time.
But I love you.
And I have to believe that you live in the truth now.
And you must know how it is with me.
There are days and weeks and perhaps a month sometimes,
When you do not cross
the parts of my thoughts that I remember to think about
but you are with me
I am glad you are with me
I wish it had just been so different
How could I ever want to exorcise this?
I have so little of you
How could I want to shed myself of this
Mourning-sickness, sadness, sadness
This poem was submitted to Watercooler Wednesdays, Randy Elrod’s blog carnival.