One of the time-wasting day dreams I have

One of the time-wasting day dreams I have is to wonder what it would be like to think God’s thoughts.  It’s futile.  But then again, so are pringles.

Maybe the perfect answer just pops into His head to whatever question he has.

Maybe he doesn’t have any questions; he already knows.

Or maybe all the possibilities, ALL the possibilities, just lay themselves out instantly and perfectly, so that He can choose from among them effortlessly.

Probably it’s none of these and all of these at the same time and my little brain would pop like a waterballoon after just comprehending for a half a second what it was like.

Speculations not withstanding, a thing that I take as a given, is that God has chosen sacrifice, suffering, and love as the avenues that are unique. These things cause us not only

to get to be like Him; when we engage in sacrifice, suffering, and love we are actually with Him.
I find myself wondering. Did he consider alternative avenues? Did the possibility that wisdom, for example, could be an avenue to Him, cross into his head? Wisdom is not a bad thing. And wisdom tells us about God. But it doesn’t bring us closer to actually being with God. But more importantly, if wisdom had become elevated, there would be a certain oligarchy of holiness. There are some people who are born wiser than others.
It is the same with strength. And street smarts. And wealth. And influence. And even happiness. And almost anything you could list.
These qualities vary from person to person. Life experiences can enhance our natural tendencies of diminish them. They are inherently different from love, suffering, and sacrifice.
Because we will all suffer. We can all sacrifice. Careful examination of our capacity to love, I think, reveils that is somehow deeply different from even things like kindness. How kind we are varies according to all sorts of things. But our ability to love is different.
Further, under our own power, we can demonstrate kindness, wisdom, all those other traits that God didn’t choose. But to love deeply and to love to sacrifice deeply, we need help from outside of ourselves, we need God’s help. And suffering to: if we suffer in a Godly manner, holding onto our faith and joy, it will not be by ourselves, through ourselves that we do this. Any knucklehead can suffer. But suffering rightly, that requires God.
Perhaps that is part of how God is with us during these times; he has to be. We need him to love, sacrifice, and suffer rightly. The other things? We can pretty much (at least) fake them with out God at all.


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The stories that speak to our soul begin at a home where things are good. Cinderella is happy with her father. The three little pigs have grown up and are ready to move on. Bilbo Baggins knows his shire. Adam and Eve walk with God in the garden. My story isn’t much different. There was a time and a place where it was so good. There was a community for me. And there was joy. We were filled with a sincere desire to do what God wanted us to do. We possessed explanations and understandings that went a certain distance. We offered security and tradition and laughter. For a lot of years, that was enough. I have this sense that it was also necessary. I have this surety, now, that it certainly wasn’t everything. There were some things that became increasingly problematic as time went by. There was a desire to package things up so very neatly. Sunday morning services were efficient and strategic. Responses to differences of opinion were premeditated. Formula began to feel more important than being real. A real desire for everybody to be one of us, but also a real sense that there is an us, and there is a them. They carried a regret that it has to be this way, but deeper than this regret was a surety that this is how it is. I began to recognize that there was a cost of admission to that group. There were people who sat at the door, collecting it. Those people wished they didn’t have to. But I guess they felt like they did have to. They let some people in, and they left others out. There was a provisional membership. My friends did possess a desire to accommodate people that are different… But it would be best for everyone concerned if they were only a little bit different. I did make many steps forward in this place. Before I went there, there were lies that I believed. Some of the things that I learned there, I still hold on to. But that place is not my home anymore. Those people are not my community anymore. There were times it was hard. I am engaged in a different community now. And I am working hard at finding a place in many different places now, embracing many different kind of families. I don’t always get it right. I am trying and I am learning and I am moving foreward. I have this sense that I am not alone in these experiences. I believe that we are tribe and we are growing. We are pilgrims, looking for a new holy land. Perhaps we won’t settle on the same spot of land. But if you’ve read this far, I am thinking that we are probably headed in the same general direction. I have begun this blog to talk about where my journey is taking me. In every space, we find people who help us along. And maybe we can get to know each other, here. We embrace ideas that provide a structure for the things we believe, and perhaps we can share these too. Maybe we can form a group, a tribe, a community, if we can figure out a way to work through the shadow of these kinds of groups, if we can bigger than the us-and-them ideas that have caused so much trouble in the past. As important as they are, I think the very nature of online interactions will lend itself to something equally powerful. I am stumbling onto these practices that my grandfathers and great grandfathers in the faith engaged in. I am learning about these attitudes and intuitions are so different than the kinds of things we call doctrine today. I don’t know about you, but I am running out of patience, and even interest, in conversations about doctrine. I hope that maybe you’ll share a little something about where your journey is taking you, and maybe our common joys and challenges might help each other along, and we might lift each other up. Thanks for doing this journey with me.

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