There will be a last time. A last time for everything.
There will be a last time that she kisses with you the passion, abondon, and innocence of youth.
There will be a last time that your children come running, arms wide open, to be swung around and cuddled.
There will be a last time they get that burger just exactly right.
There will be a last time that your best friend calls.
I’m holding onto the hope that all these sentences are qualified. The thing that keeps me going is the idea that we can add “in this life.” to those sentences; on the other side of the grave, there will be some equivalent to the passionate kiss of adolescence, to the best friend calling, and even to them getting the burger just exactly right.
And it’s true that there will be a last time for all the things that are so hard:
There will be a last physical therapy appointment; you will walk out of the doors on the road to healing.
There will be a last fight.
There will be a last doseage of that terrible medicine whose side effects are only barely more manageable than whatever it is that you are treating.
Like so many people, there are times in my life when the good out weighs the bad. I wish so much I could go back to those times.
I’m feeling kind of flabbergasted right now by the way I didn’t hold on to those times and cherish them. It’s not that I don’t have good things in my life now. It’s just that there are some things that I think are gone. Forever. And I never thought they would leave.
I guess I’m posting this as a pity party for myself, but I also want to say to you, as you read this: hold on to those things. Hold tight and hold fast. Take nothing for granted. We can’t make them last forever but maybe we can get just a little bit longer. Because it’s a pretty sad place to be, on the other side of it all, wondering if things might have ended up different.