There is this idea that man and women are one flesh when they become married.
And one thing that is worth noticing about this, is that this is a restoration of something that happened before we fell out of the garden of Eden. Genesis says that when God decided to create Eve, he took one of Adam’s ribs and made Eve from that.
Given what we know about biology and genetics, this has some pretty fascinating possibilities. We know now that every single cell in the body has a blue print for the entire body. The idea that we might take a rib—or anything—and create a new life out of it isn’t all that far fetched. Obviously, God would have to tweak the DNA to make Eve different in all those wonderful ways that women are different than men. But he is, after all, God.
Regardless of whether or not this speculation is correct, as a species, man and woman began as one flesh. In quite a different way, individually, we all begin as one flesh with our mothers. There is something profound going on, in the suggestion that we live the woman who we were once one flesh with in order to become one flesh with our spouse.
I used to think that this claim meant that the theory was marriage made it so that you’d get along. I used to think that the belief was that something magical happened in marriage that caused the people to share one mind.
I thought this was pretty dumb based on the married couples I’d seen, until I got married. When I got married I realized it wasn’t pretty dumb. It was epically and unimaginably dumb.
I didn’t feel that being married made it easier to get along with my wonderful and amazing wife. I found out I was still broken inside and did stupid hurtful things on quite a regular basis.
I had lived with other people outside my family before. Perhaps it was the idea that we were supposed to be intimately connected. Maybe it was the fact that this wasn’t a decision of convenience to share rent but a commitment for life.
Whatever it was, I was amazed that there were so many ways of doing things. It’s almost embarrassing, how trivial some of those differences are. Things like “What? You’d clip your toe nails in here? Nobody clips their toe nails in the ____ room.” But they add up. And they didn’t much make me feel like one flesh with her.