I have been praying for a while to get past a challenge in my life. Things are hard right now. And I think I’ve been doing everything right. But they aren’t getting any easier.
It’s created this wall between me and God, a little bit. Now, not it. I have created this wall between God and me. I’ve been going through the motions: praying, reading scripture, worshipping. But this wall makes it all less fruitful. Not very rewarding. It’s easy to see how people would just stop doing them when they get nothing out of them. It’s easy to see how I could stop doing them if I continued to not get much out of them.
God helped me realize something, yesterday.
This wall is really about idolatry. It’s about a lack of faith in what God really is.
Resenting God for not removing this thorn from my side is really doubting his loving nature. It’s really saying “God, I don’t trust you that you’ll do what is best for me.”
Feeling that God can’t use all circumstances for His glory, that God is somehow incapeable of changing this situation even though he wants to is doubting his incredible power.
Believing that I know better than God, that he just really doesn’t understand what He’s doing to me, this is doubting his endless wisdom.
I think one of the dilemnas for some of the amazing people in my life is that they are wise enough to know that I am not mature enough to hear any of these things from them. It’s hard, when somebody is hurting to say “Have more faith.”
Many times that would be cruel and innapropriate.
But it’s not in my case. I’m not exactly sure about all the details of just how to do it, but I do know that this is what I need to do.