Wounds

I entered The World through the holes in your hands.The Wholes in Your Hands.

I swam like a blood cell in Your Love.

And I was healed where you washed me.

And I was saved, skin-deep;

As deep as I allowed myself to be redeemed.

I have wounds, too.

I have wounds like you.

I have hidden them away.

You know they are there.

But you will not minister

Where you have not been welcomed…

You must not know

(and of course you know)

You must not see

(except you see everything)

I lie over my wounds

Fight you away from my wounds

and then I am angry

that you will not heal my wounds

Lord I know

that you’ll only go

into those places we invite you

I’ve kept you away

from the places inside me you wanted to stay

My stupid shame, my foolish pride

You saw me

when I couldn’t see you

You wept with me

when I thought I was hurt and alone

You’ve invited me

into your wounds

Why can’t I

do the same for you?

I will open up

the door to my heart

Half way

I will invite you in

but only so far

I have these secret rooms

You are not welcome there.

Perhaps you were sleeping

perhaps you looked away

I hold onto a shred of hope

That you already don’t know

That hope against your wisdom

that hope against your power

that hope against

your love

On that tiny chance

that you don’t know

I’d hate, God,

for you to find

That broken place

inside of me

That part of me

that must never show.

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Published by

jeffsdeepthoughts

The stories that speak to our soul begin at a home where things are good. Cinderella is happy with her father. The three little pigs have grown up and are ready to move on. Bilbo Baggins knows his shire. Adam and Eve walk with God in the garden. My story isn’t much different. There was a time and a place where it was so good. There was a community for me. And there was joy. We were filled with a sincere desire to do what God wanted us to do. We possessed explanations and understandings that went a certain distance. We offered security and tradition and laughter. For a lot of years, that was enough. I have this sense that it was also necessary. I have this surety, now, that it certainly wasn’t everything. There were some things that became increasingly problematic as time went by. There was a desire to package things up so very neatly. Sunday morning services were efficient and strategic. Responses to differences of opinion were premeditated. Formula began to feel more important than being real. A real desire for everybody to be one of us, but also a real sense that there is an us, and there is a them. They carried a regret that it has to be this way, but deeper than this regret was a surety that this is how it is. I began to recognize that there was a cost of admission to that group. There were people who sat at the door, collecting it. Those people wished they didn’t have to. But I guess they felt like they did have to. They let some people in, and they left others out. There was a provisional membership. My friends did possess a desire to accommodate people that are different… But it would be best for everyone concerned if they were only a little bit different. I did make many steps forward in this place. Before I went there, there were lies that I believed. Some of the things that I learned there, I still hold on to. But that place is not my home anymore. Those people are not my community anymore. There were times it was hard. I am engaged in a different community now. And I am working hard at finding a place in many different places now, embracing many different kind of families. I don’t always get it right. I am trying and I am learning and I am moving foreward. I have this sense that I am not alone in these experiences. I believe that we are tribe and we are growing. We are pilgrims, looking for a new holy land. Perhaps we won’t settle on the same spot of land. But if you’ve read this far, I am thinking that we are probably headed in the same general direction. I have begun this blog to talk about where my journey is taking me. In every space, we find people who help us along. And maybe we can get to know each other, here. We embrace ideas that provide a structure for the things we believe, and perhaps we can share these too. Maybe we can form a group, a tribe, a community, if we can figure out a way to work through the shadow of these kinds of groups, if we can bigger than the us-and-them ideas that have caused so much trouble in the past. As important as they are, I think the very nature of online interactions will lend itself to something equally powerful. I am stumbling onto these practices that my grandfathers and great grandfathers in the faith engaged in. I am learning about these attitudes and intuitions are so different than the kinds of things we call doctrine today. I don’t know about you, but I am running out of patience, and even interest, in conversations about doctrine. I hope that maybe you’ll share a little something about where your journey is taking you, and maybe our common joys and challenges might help each other along, and we might lift each other up. Thanks for doing this journey with me.

2 thoughts on “Wounds”

  1. Lord I know
    that you’ll only go
    into those places we invite you

    Well said. I think this goes all the way back to Genesis 1-3 with the imago Dei.

    Thanks!

    Like

  2. Thanks.
    You bring up a really interesting point. I wonder if you’re saying that being made in the image of God might mean that we’re made with some of His dignity, sovereignity, etc… Because we are made in God’s image we get some sort of dominion over ourselves in the same God has dominion over the world… and perhaps part of the human dominion is that God only heals those parts of ourselves we invite him into.
    I think some of my inspirations for wanting to express this idea come from later portions of scripture… Revelations, maybe, where Jesus talks about knocking but the implication is that we still get to choose whether or not we let Him in.
    It’s always interesting to watch themes connect across the testaments, to see that the groundwork for NT ideas was really lain in the OT. Thanks for the observation.

    Like

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